Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
