Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
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The beer is more important than you right now.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
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I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.