I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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