he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
