A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
