I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
