I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
