How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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