explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
