She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
