i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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