the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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