So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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