you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
