Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
