Yo dont text me then not text me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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