The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
