Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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