Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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