By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
