I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
