I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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