It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
