I just made out with a guy for $7.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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