a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
