Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sorry my hands just texted you
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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