also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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