Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
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I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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