Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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