I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
