She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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