i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
