You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Randomize
