dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
