It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
