Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
