She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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