I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
