after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
