dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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