imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
