in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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