Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You have to summon your inner elephant
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
