Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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