so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
