cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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