Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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