the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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