i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Please don't give away my fajitas
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
