Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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