I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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