I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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