She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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