No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
