my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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