It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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