I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
