Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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