i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
