Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
