I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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