i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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