I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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