Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
