did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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