This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
