Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
