I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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