if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
pray to the hookup gods
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