I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
