I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
