I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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