arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
