why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
