Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
