if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
