I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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