You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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