Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
