my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
