we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
