Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
