i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize