I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize