That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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