I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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