my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
