Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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