There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
