im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
